This is the Day

Behind your fear is the person you want to be!!

Yes, I was afraid but I did it anyway!! I gave my 2-week notice!! Oh I’m so proud of myself for not making excuses or backing down. I was nervous all day but I looked around my cubicle and the office and thought to myself “is this what you want for the next 7 years of your life”? Well of course that answer was a loud NO! I know that if I don’t make this change then nothing will change for me. I’ve allowed this job to dictate how much money I make, how long I can go visit my family and basically what type of lifestyle I can “afford”.  But what I'm not happy about is disappointing my manager because of the relationship that I have with her and the issue that she’s going to have replacing me. My manager is such a great person and I didn’t want her to feel like I’m leaving her in a bind, but again it’s a job and everyone’s replaceable so there you go. I mean yeah, I’m good at my job but after all these years I’d better be!  You know, the funny thing about me leaving this job lies in the numbers. I worked for this company for 7 years, and I resigned on 7/7/2014. I didn’t choose that date, it chose me. And although I decided to leave this job in March I didn’t realize the significance of the numbers until I was sending my resignation to my manager. Check it out...    

{7/7/2014

Well, the time has come for me to say goodbye. It’s been a long 7 years for me with ********** and since 7 is also the number of completion I have decided to create a new chapter in my life that involves more pleasure and less work.

This is my 2 week notice making my last day with *******July 25, 2014. It’s been quite a learning experience working in this department and being a part of the growth and development. This experience has helped me to see what’s important in my life and to know myself better, so I wish you all the best and thank you for the lessons.

Take care,}

 Yep, it's a done deal. I have to move forward with my life and live the way that I want to live, not the way that society says I’m suppose to live. You know the basic stuff, the house, the car, the job and then the debt. Spend hours in front of the television that’s in every room, vicariously living thru the characters and allowing the news to frighten and control me. I honestly feel like if I don’t start living a purposeful life I’m going to die miserable and unhappy. I had a vision one night while washing the dinner dishes. In my vision, I was in this place, sort of like a room but it was huge and it was filled with beautiful gifts wrapped in beautiful, shiny, sparkly paper that I loved. There were hundreds of gifts and each one was topped with a big beautiful, colorful bow that was perfectly tied. Every gift was a different shape and size and just looking at the gifts made me feel so happy. I touched the gifts and the paper felt like a soft, fuzzy baby’s blanket.  As I walked around all of the gifts touching and hugging them because they felt so soft, I heard this voice so clearly that said “these are all for you, but you’ve decided you don’t want them because you’re afraid”. I snapped out of the vision because I spoke out loud “what do you mean I don’t want them”? As I continued to wash the dishes, I attempted to go back to the vision but it wouldn’t come. I kept asking myself “how am I afraid?”, “afraid of what?” When I finished with the dishes and wiped the counters I sat on the sofa, took a deep breath and asked the question “what do you mean I am afraid?” within seconds I found myself back in this room but it was empty and I asked again in my mind, not out loud “what do you mean am I afraid?” and the voice said to me “you won’t move forward because you are afraid of what you leave behind. You won’t let go of what you don’t need. You know exactly what you need to do and you choose not to do it. What do you want? “I opened my eyes and my ego tried to take over and cause me to get defensive and forget what just happened but I forced myself to calm down and face it because I knew it was fear and I’d had enough. I thought about it over and over and decided to write down all of the things that I was afraid of. Now when you do this type of exercise you have to be completely honest with yourself otherwise, it won’t work. When I finished writing and looked over the list, some of the things that I allowed to hinder me from accomplishing my dreams and desires seemed so foolish, but I didn’t realize how foolish it was because I’d never actually asked the question. This list was filled with thoughts and ideals that I was holding onto deep down inside of me and once they were on paper and I could see them. I cried and read the list over and over because some of the stuff on the list was embarrassing to me because my ego convinced me I was ok in those areas. Then I began to write the opposite of what was on the list to diminish the fear. Sometimes it takes time to get your subconscious to believe the truth because of the lie you've been believing for years and then  sometimes it’s instant because it's just an ideal but this is only a simple exercise to help overcome fears you weren't aware of.  I can burn the list to signify the release of those fears but I prefer to keep it and refer to it when the fear tries to present itself. You know, I want all my gifts in that room so if I have to do it afraid, that’s just what I’ll do! Hey, everything happens for a reason right? Definitely!