Change in inevitable

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Feels like a vacation

I can't even begin to describe how much joy and peace I have right now. I feel like I'm on vacation but at the same time I'm fighting that rush feeling, you know how you feel when you've been at a place for a while and you're keeping track of the time because you have to hurry and get back to work? Yeah, that's how I feel when I'm having lunch with a friend or shopping or any activity that takes place between the hours of 9-5. I guess it's to be expected since that was my life for as long as I've been working. But once the thought hits me that I don't have to hurry anymore a wave of gratitude washes over me and I relax and watch the ducks. Aaaaahhh, relax....such a nice word.

Last Day

It's done!! Yep, I did it, I quit!! Yesterday was my last day and I feel awesome!!! I was excited going to work and I played the Happy song. I know I must've looked like a complete nut to other drivers because here it is at 7am, I'm blasting the Happy song and singing to the top of my lungs and shouting "Oh my god this is it", "Yesssss", "I'm so grateful". But you know what, I didn't care. I didn't care because this is epic for me. I quit my 7 year job to step out on faith, I mean how many people do that everyday? I can't imagine that number to be very high. Anyway, I feel great. My last day was really nice. My coworkers gave me a nice lunch from my favorite restaurant, they told funny stories and even allowed me to practice a speech on them about living your dreams. That felt great because I really wanted to give them some encouraging words anyway. All in all it was a really nice day. I spent the majority of it saying farewell to coworkers who didn't work directly in my office thru email, meeting in the hallway for hugs and over the phone. And as I drove away, I played the Happy song even louder.  Listening to stories of how I actually touched someone's life just by encouraging them and being friendly really helped me to see  that I made the right choice. Even my sister whom I haven't spoken to in a while actually called me yesterday out of the blue. I told her what I'd done and some of my future traveling  plans and she had the most beautiful, encouraging and inspiring words to say.  It's funny when you hear people say great things about you that you didn't even realize you were doing. Just by being true to myself I've shown people that I won't compromise my integrity or happiness for that matter. I've decided to take charge of my own life and live on my own terms. And will I continue to encourage and inspire people on this journey, well of course I will!! I can't help it, I've been doing it for years. Just ask my sister :)

The countdown has begun!

Wow, I can't believe I didn't save my last post. It was so beautiful about being strong and taking charge of your life...oh well on to the next!

Here I am with 2 days to go until my very last day and I am so excited!! This has been a long time coming for me. I’ve wanted to leave this job for years and finally the clouds have shifted and I am doing just that. Actually, what really happened is I changed my perspective. See, when you change how you look at things, those things change so I changed how I view my life. I changed how I view the world and I made a list of the things that I want to do and the things I don’t want to do. I made a conscious decision of what’s important to me and what’s not important to me, and this is the year that I am ridding myself of all of the things that don’t serve me….anymore. It’s sort of like finally cleaning out your closet of all those size 6 pants and dresses you’ve been holding on to because one day…uh we all know how that story goes.  Well I’ve faced the fact that I am where I am because of choices I’ve made in my life. I’m not saying they were bad choices, but they were choices that were made to please other people and not myself. Again, that was my choice and I’ve learned not to blame anyone. For some people that can be a hard pill to swallow but once you come to that realization; it actually frees you to take better care and responsibility of yourself. Yes, some things are out of our control but most things are in our control and those are the things I’m referring to. Anyway, back to those size 6 pants and dresses that I’ve had for years waiting for me to get back down to that size…. I’m passing them on to Goodwill. In fact I’m passing on a lot of my clothes to Goodwill.  Don’t get me wrong,  I’m not giving up on being a size 6 again( actually, I’m pretty happy where I am with myself right now and I think I look great) I’m just accepting where I am right now and letting go of those things that don’t benefit me. I’ve learned to love and accept myself so much to the point where I can look in the mirror naked and smile at myself instead of picking myself apart. I’ve learned that this physical body is important but is not who I am; more so, it’s a container to house my beautiful and wonderful spirit. Yes, I may have abused it with food but now that I understand its purpose I am dedicated to making better eating choices because I need this body to carry me on to my new adventures. I need this body to work at its best because I have a son and grandkids that I need to hug, nurture and encourage. I have sisters who need to hear my voice and see my smile; I have nieces and nephews who need my ears to hear their troubles and my wisdom to guide them. And I have parents who need the strength of my legs, and arms to assist them with some of their needs. This physical body is very important and how I care for it is also important because it’s not just about me. So as I continue my quest towards a happier and healthier lifestyle, I’m starting small so that I don’t fail. I am  limiting the amount of salt & vinegar chips I eat and making a better choice with a new chip called Veggie Straws. I can pronounce every ingredient and one serving is 38 straws. See, it’s all about the baby steps………2 days, yippeeeeee!!!!

This is the Day

Behind your fear is the person you want to be!!

Yes, I was afraid but I did it anyway!! I gave my 2-week notice!! Oh I’m so proud of myself for not making excuses or backing down. I was nervous all day but I looked around my cubicle and the office and thought to myself “is this what you want for the next 7 years of your life”? Well of course that answer was a loud NO! I know that if I don’t make this change then nothing will change for me. I’ve allowed this job to dictate how much money I make, how long I can go visit my family and basically what type of lifestyle I can “afford”.  But what I'm not happy about is disappointing my manager because of the relationship that I have with her and the issue that she’s going to have replacing me. My manager is such a great person and I didn’t want her to feel like I’m leaving her in a bind, but again it’s a job and everyone’s replaceable so there you go. I mean yeah, I’m good at my job but after all these years I’d better be!  You know, the funny thing about me leaving this job lies in the numbers. I worked for this company for 7 years, and I resigned on 7/7/2014. I didn’t choose that date, it chose me. And although I decided to leave this job in March I didn’t realize the significance of the numbers until I was sending my resignation to my manager. Check it out...    

{7/7/2014

Well, the time has come for me to say goodbye. It’s been a long 7 years for me with ********** and since 7 is also the number of completion I have decided to create a new chapter in my life that involves more pleasure and less work.

This is my 2 week notice making my last day with *******July 25, 2014. It’s been quite a learning experience working in this department and being a part of the growth and development. This experience has helped me to see what’s important in my life and to know myself better, so I wish you all the best and thank you for the lessons.

Take care,}

 Yep, it's a done deal. I have to move forward with my life and live the way that I want to live, not the way that society says I’m suppose to live. You know the basic stuff, the house, the car, the job and then the debt. Spend hours in front of the television that’s in every room, vicariously living thru the characters and allowing the news to frighten and control me. I honestly feel like if I don’t start living a purposeful life I’m going to die miserable and unhappy. I had a vision one night while washing the dinner dishes. In my vision, I was in this place, sort of like a room but it was huge and it was filled with beautiful gifts wrapped in beautiful, shiny, sparkly paper that I loved. There were hundreds of gifts and each one was topped with a big beautiful, colorful bow that was perfectly tied. Every gift was a different shape and size and just looking at the gifts made me feel so happy. I touched the gifts and the paper felt like a soft, fuzzy baby’s blanket.  As I walked around all of the gifts touching and hugging them because they felt so soft, I heard this voice so clearly that said “these are all for you, but you’ve decided you don’t want them because you’re afraid”. I snapped out of the vision because I spoke out loud “what do you mean I don’t want them”? As I continued to wash the dishes, I attempted to go back to the vision but it wouldn’t come. I kept asking myself “how am I afraid?”, “afraid of what?” When I finished with the dishes and wiped the counters I sat on the sofa, took a deep breath and asked the question “what do you mean I am afraid?” within seconds I found myself back in this room but it was empty and I asked again in my mind, not out loud “what do you mean am I afraid?” and the voice said to me “you won’t move forward because you are afraid of what you leave behind. You won’t let go of what you don’t need. You know exactly what you need to do and you choose not to do it. What do you want? “I opened my eyes and my ego tried to take over and cause me to get defensive and forget what just happened but I forced myself to calm down and face it because I knew it was fear and I’d had enough. I thought about it over and over and decided to write down all of the things that I was afraid of. Now when you do this type of exercise you have to be completely honest with yourself otherwise, it won’t work. When I finished writing and looked over the list, some of the things that I allowed to hinder me from accomplishing my dreams and desires seemed so foolish, but I didn’t realize how foolish it was because I’d never actually asked the question. This list was filled with thoughts and ideals that I was holding onto deep down inside of me and once they were on paper and I could see them. I cried and read the list over and over because some of the stuff on the list was embarrassing to me because my ego convinced me I was ok in those areas. Then I began to write the opposite of what was on the list to diminish the fear. Sometimes it takes time to get your subconscious to believe the truth because of the lie you've been believing for years and then  sometimes it’s instant because it's just an ideal but this is only a simple exercise to help overcome fears you weren't aware of.  I can burn the list to signify the release of those fears but I prefer to keep it and refer to it when the fear tries to present itself. You know, I want all my gifts in that room so if I have to do it afraid, that’s just what I’ll do! Hey, everything happens for a reason right? Definitely!

2 weeks and counting

OMg I am so excited!!! Ok so tomorrow I am giving my 2 week resignation. See ya suckas!!! Yes, I am so ready to step out on faith and live the life of my dreams. I have to admit I am nervous because this job has been my life for the past 7 years but on the flip side I am so bored and unhappy that it’s a struggle daily to get up in the morning and go to work, even though it’s only 15 minutes away from my home. I think the thing that really gets to me is the thought of sitting in that building all day long while the entire day passes me by.  Then by the time I'm released (yes it feels like a prison mostly) it's just enough time to do a little grocery shopping for dinner, or whatever I didn't get to do on the weekend before crashing from exhaustion, only to have to get up and do it all over again. Oddly enough, I’m the only one in my office that feels this way because I hear my coworkers making comments like “if I were rich I’d quit my job”, or “you have to work because you have bills to pay”. People, those kinds of statements couldn't be further from the truth. As I continue to say, we are spirit beings, and as a spirit being as well as an inhabiter of this planet we were given the power to create the life that we desire. How do you do this? By deciding what it is you want, meditate on it daily, don’t waiver in your belief that it’s yours and then what will happen is you will get direction on how to make your dream a reality. Now this is where most people fall off because they start thinking about the how’s. Well the how is not up to you. Your job is to decide what you want and then look for the direction or the signs of what to do or how to get there. It’s not as hard as you’d think; you just need to have a made up mind and a desire to actually live your dreams. You have to make some television watching sacrifices and spend time listening because God is constantly speaking to us and trying to guide us, we

are just too distracted to realize it. So in actuality, you are the one holding yourself back from living your dreams. You have no one to blame, only you. You are the only person responsible for your happiness. It’s all you; no one else, only you. So what are you going to do?